They say 50% of marriages end in divorce. And for the most part, those people don’t get back together. Every once in a while, though, there are couples who — despite the difficulties in their marriage — realize they still love each other. The idea starts creeping in that things could be different this time, and they wonder, “should I reconcile with my ex?”
At Nelson Law Group, PC, we believe marriage is worth fighting for. Reconciling with your spouse is possible, even if you’ve signed the divorce papers. But before you give your marriage another try, make sure you’re both on the same page.
“Should I reconcile with my ex?” That depends on what your answers are to these 4 questions:
What has changed or will change?
There must be significant changes in behaviors, actions, how you treat each other, and what each of you will need from the relationship moving forward. Furthermore, both parties need to understand what their role was in the events that led up to the divorce. Otherwise, you’ll repeat the same mistakes after a few weeks or months. Beyond what WILL change is taking a hard look at what has ALREADY changed and if that is moving you closer together or further apart. Are both of you committed to making things right, even as you face lingering issues that need more time to be sorted out?
What is motivating you?
Motives matter when asking yourself, “should I reconcile with my ex?” If you’re doing it for financial stability, status, ego, or simply because you can’t handle being alone, you’re setting yourself up for more heartbreak and disappointment. Your motivation should be to repair what went wrong in the relationship and get back to a better place together — because you unequivocally love each other.
Can you forgive?
Forgiveness and reconciliation are two completely different things, but you can’t have one without the other. Think about it: you and your former spouse may be on the same page in terms of reconciling your marriage, but if you can’t bring yourself to forgive that person for their transgressions, or forgive yourself, then reconciliation is likely, not possible. On the other hand, if you can forgive, then the proverbial door is wide open for salvaging your relationship.
Is the relationship worth saving?
This question is a bit more difficult for some people to answer, especially if they truly believe things have changed for the better and want to reconcile with their ex. While we believe the grass is always greener where you water it, some relationships aren’t meant to be saved. For example, it could be a husband and wife who have split up and gotten back together several times. There could be a repeated history of adultery, financial distrust, and even physical or emotional abuse. In these scenarios, getting back with your ex will likely be the biggest mistake of your life.
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“Should I reconcile with my ex?” That’s a question only you and your former spouse can answer. But if you have healthy and thoughtful answers to the questions above, you’ll be in a much better position to save your relationship. We hope you found this blog helpful. Give our knowledgeable staff here at Nelson Law Group, PC a call if you have any further questions regarding this or any other issue.
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